Exciting Adventures in the Year 2020

I'm Sorry:














http://www.treehugger.com/files/2009/12/aged-obama-poster-says-im-sorry.php

Believe what you will about climate change, but this is a clever campaign.

I was intrigued enough to go through and look at all the different world leaders they Photoshopped, and the "apology" works well to get you reading the copy.

My one complaint: 2020 Dmitry Medvedev. Come on, everyone knows the Russian Federation of Tomorrow will be ruled by the galvanized fist of Cyber-Putin.

-Jay

The Poem

Thursday, Dec 3, I had the pleasure of attending the Writers' Collective 2009 Poetry Contest awards ceremony at the Millenium Library.

My poem, Goramedes, was selected as the first-place winner.

The event also honoured the winners of the Winnipeg Free Press/Writers' Collective 2009 Non-Fiction Contest. It was an interesting experience. Some very good writing all around. I particularly liked John Barsby's reading of his short story, Beloved Aunt.

Judges Ariel Gordon and Jennifer Still (A Creative Communications grad) had some extremely kind words for me. "Jason's delight in language's knots and strong sense of form shines with charm, wit, and an eclectic linguistic edge."

I've never had two complete strangers say something so complimentary about my writing. Taking into account that just a couple of years ago I didn't consider myself a writer at all, I'm humbled.

During my reading I channeled my best George Elliot Clarke, and brought as much energy to my words as I could muster.

The poem:

“Goramedes”

Frank Goramedes ___ graceless and ghastly

A man incongruitous ___ with goodliness and right

Once a delicate blastula ___ innocence irrevocable

froiling in the foamy-buttersauce ___ of mother’s womb

His crenelated mug ___ bespoke of never-glory

Paper-burned flat cap ___ perched on bleaken-pate head

Jowls pinched and puckered ___ in parody of golden mean

A Pear-man if you ever saw one ___ humanoid-carbuncle in a suit

Sandwiched betwixt taxi-stands ___ and dirty-show kiosks

Where palewaivens beckon ___ to dream-thirsty bentlings

Stood Firm of Hrimbolde ___ Carsephalope and Tung

Fixture of the blackentoil city ___ where Goramedes made his mark

Mister Arthur Aebelasker ___ Eldest of Ethel and Albert

Philluminist of ill repute ___ and litigator of men

Partner of Goramedes ___ his better in all aspects

Cast lingrances across his file-stand ___ plotting dire-denouement

Aebelasker had aquired ___ a liking for Lorna.

A Hellenistic honey ___ who was bride to Goramedes

Nee Torquemada ___ tangled in turbid-betrothal.

to a weevil-headed devil ___ while yearning for dove-handed squire

The twosome contrived ___ to make-mortal their foil

By cold prosciutto canapés ___ and arsenic in Cabernet Franc

Goramedes arrived after eight ___ inhaling his aperitif

Then Frank met floor ___ gingerly the glight left his eyes

The gleeful sin-smiths ___ grinning in their coarse collusion

At wake were offered ___ coffee, sprats and cruellers

In the fashion of his kindred ___ the failed-people of old

The surviving were unpresent ___ his widow a no-show

Lorna lounged in citrus-lands ___ Arthur at her side

The spades-and-shovels smoked ___ by the wayside worm-field.

The Heavenly-bag-man uttered ___ murmuring the honoured-mythology

Over our fiend interred ___ a pine-shrouded unperson

Grudgingly excepted by earth ___ earnest until eternity exhumed

I hope it lived up to the hype.

Thanks to Perry Grosshans and his wife Tanya, who canceled a prior commitment in order to attend; and Karen Press, my creative writing instructor who gave me advice when I composed the poem for her class. And a big thank you to everyone who's been supportive of my Cre Comm endeavor and my writing.

I dedicate the award to Veronica, who continues to astound me daily - usually at the exact moment that I need some astoundingness.

I hope it's the first of many dedications to come.

Cheers,

-Jay

What's Your Excuse?

I know what I'm doing the next time the Feast of Maximum Occupancy rolls around...





Ad successful.

-Jay

TED Talks: Rory Sutherland

My cousin sent me this a couple days ago, and I finally had time to watch it this afternoon.

Ad man Rory Sutherland talks about the nature of intrinsic value, branding, and altering perceptions. Sutherland is a really charismatic and engaging speaker, and makes some great points about how we can use bright ideas in place of elbow grease.

Watch it!



A great quote from Sutherland from this Guardian article:

"I don't think it necessarily does any harm in any organisation for staff to see the people at the top having a great time. Look at the vast profits made by the financial services sector over the past 10 years. I find the dullness of the Goldman Sachs building frankly horrifying. At least when an advertising guy makes a few million you get a modern art gallery out of it." He roars with laughter: "I mean, if I was making that much money I'd want ice-sculptures of swans in the lobby!"

This guy is awesome. I officially have a new advertising role model.


-Jay

The Only Thing Worse Than Being Blogged About is Not Being Blogged About At All

Greetings True Believers!

I discovered this little treasure trove of fantastic art a few weeks ago.

Hey Oscar Wilde is a collection of drawings and paintings of famous writers and famous literary characters, beautifully rendered by some of the best illustrators around. If you love great literature, especially genre fiction, and you’re really into comic books and awesome fantasy art, this site is like a gallery of your dreams.

A few examples:

Robbi Rondriguez, Hunter S. Thompson

Mike Mignola (of Hellboy fame), Jacob Marley

Mike Huddleston, Captain Ahab

It’s the kind of awesome idea that makes me wish I’d thought of it first, because I truly envy the guy that started the site for his rapidly growing collection of incredible illustrations.

So go find your favourite writer!

Nuff Said!

-Jay

Personal Brand Development.

October was a bit of a disappointment.

I'm currently working on two assignments dealing with development of a "personal" brand: how do I define myself and what kind of image do I want to put forward to others. Maybe it's the weather talking, but I feel rather strongly that my personal brand has taken a hit since last year. I'm not in an irreversible downward spiral, but I just feel as though I hit the ground running on Sept 1 and sprained something. I'm forgetful, inconsistent. Leaving things to the last minute; that's not me.

But fear not faithful Anxiolotlnauts, I can do better.

With the last six weeks ahead before the end of the third and busiest term of the Creative Communications program, I'm going to do my damnedest to do it all.

Sixty pages to go on the first draft of my novel.
An integrated marketing campaign for a prominent local jeweller.
A review of Andrew Davidson's "The Gargoyle."
A four minute short film.
Radio spots. Fundraisers. Grad Committee. Design Portfolio. Personal logo. Presentations. Speeches. Public Service Announcements. Birthdays. Socials...

It's too much. I need inspiration if I'm to guide myself and my protagonist through the woods.

Inspiration

This is a really good interview. The Onion A.V. Club's Keith Phillips interviews Robert Forster.

Forster says some pretty inspirational stuff. Here's a taste:

"You'd better do a good job, Bob," I say to myself. I realized that life is a series of moments along this arc, moments at which you can deliver excellence, or less, if you desire. But if you do deliver excellence, you get that reward, and I've built up a metaphor during this program of what you get when you deliver excellence to any job of any kind: You get the reward of self-respect and respect from others and satisfaction. And this is the real McCoy. This is untransferrable wealth. You stick this in your pocket and it's like a little nugget; it'll always be there. If you're ever wondering what to do right now, and if you're ever asking yourself, "What shall I do with this job that I've got right now?"... If I apply the simple formula that I'm going to do this job as good as I can, that and a little practice gives me excellence almost every time. And when you're delivering excellence every time, you get that reward I keep mentioning. And if you happen to be getting that reward on a frequent enough basis, you know... Those in both religious traditions, the Eastern and the Western, talk about a path: the path of righteousness. If you're getting these rewards on a frequent basis, you're on that path. And if you're one of the ones who believe in a heaven, this is the path right to it. But if you're one of the ones who believe that inner peace is the best life has to offer, you know precisely what you're doing when you wake up in the morning. You're using your life and your life experiences to understand with, and with every action you create, you deliver that understanding. You're doing what an artist does: using his life to understand and deliver that understanding with every act you create. And if you're doing that, and you're getting those rewards on a frequent enough basis, you're making the best that you can out of the life you've got to live. End of program." - Robert Forster

And if that's not enough:

"Well, you've heard of a 12-step program? I've got a three-step program. It's a whole lot easier to remember. Step three was during the period in which I was headed downward and downward. I kept thinking to myself, "This slide has got to stop." But I had an epiphany during that period, and the epiphany was the simple one, when you realize, "You know what? You're not dead yet, Bob. You can win it in the late innings. You've still got the late innings, but you can't quit. Never quit." That's step three: You're ready to die, you're waiting to die. Never quit, that's step three. Step two: You've got to have a strategy to get from where you are, which is in a deep hole, to winning it in the late innings. That's the obvious strategy. You deliver excellence to what you're doing right now, and I say excellence; I don't mean perfection. I mean the willingness to do the job as good as you can. If you're willing to do it as good as you're willing to think up to do it, that's what your mind is there for, and you deliver excellence right now, now being the only moment you can control or do anything with or be creative with. Now is the only moment you've got to work with. If you deliver excellence right now, that gives you the best shot at the best future you've got coming. That's step two. Step one: You've got to have a good attitude in order to deliver step two, because if you have a bad attitude, step two is precluded; you can't deliver excellence if you've got a bad attitude. Step one is to accept all things. "It doesn't matter that they're not giving you good jobs anymore, Bob. It doesn't matter that you don't get the Winnebago anymore, Bob. It doesn't matter that she doesn't love you anymore." Put it behind you, just like that. Your shoulders relax, you breathe easier. Suddenly you've accepted it, you've put it behind you, and you're not going to worry about that anymore, no more negativity about that. Put it behind you just like that. Acceptance gives you a good attitude. That's step one. Delivering excellence right now gives you the best shot at the best future you've got coming. That's step two. And it's not over 'til it's over, but then it's really over. Never quit. That's step three. And I promise, I use that in my own life and with my own attitudes for the years when I was doing lousy in hopes that I would have another shot at this career and do something better with it the second time than I did the first. And Quentin Tarantino came along and [American Perfekt director] Paul Chart came along, and then some others have come along, and guess what? We've got another shot at it." - Robert Forster


To summarize:

1. Put it behind you. Accept it.
2. Delivering excellence right now gives you the best shot at the best future you've got coming.
3. Never quit.

There you have it.

Pick yourself up, and mambo.

-Jay

Edit

Overall, October has been a bit of a disappointment.

Bring on November.

MONSTER CHILLER BLOGGER THEATRE!

As FDR once said, “The only things we have to fear, are evil cats and puppets.”

With All Hallows Eve just a few days away, I wanted to share a few more weird and off beat videos of stuff that gives me the willies, and/or the heebie jeebies.

Or in some cases, both.

First up: A terrific and chilling little short film I stumbled on a few years ago…

THE CAT WITH HANDS

Puppets. Is there anything more terrifying?

A little known Muppet called Uncle Deadly was probably one of the most horrible things to come out of Jim Henson’s imagination. Here’s a really short clip from “the Phantom of the Muppet Show,” which guest starred Twiggy.

This last clip is probably the most terrifying thing I ever saw as a child. Whenever this would play, I would hide until my Mum told me it was safe to come out.

Why don’t you sing a song. That’ll make you feel better.

Sleep tight.

-HJARNOR!!!

Corporate Express #1 Corrugated Paper Clip

For a copywriting exercise, we were asked to write and design an ad for Corporate Express Paper Clips. The point was to take a simple product, and make it as interesting and engaging as possible.

Here's mine:




























The copy reads:

Corporate Express #1 Corrugated Paper Clips are thrice inspected for balance, aesthetics, and structural integrity.

It would be unwise to trust your company’s quarterly sales report to anything less.

That’s because Corporate Express #1 Corrugated Paper Clips are the nadir of metal fasteners. Each clip is three-point quality inspected before being packaged. Each clip is lovingly twisted to
fastening perfection by one of the team’s 45 technicians*, under the auspices of Swiss metallurgist Bertolt Kroner.

You can rest easy knowing that your report has been secured by the stationery world’s premium metal fastener.

*From left to right; Bertolt Kroner, Alanna Shadle, Caterina Gosse, Lue Rojek, the Corporate Express #1 Corrugated Paper Clip, Genevieve Caravetta, Penelope Wentzlaf, and Kenneth Diamico.












Just some of the distinctive advantages available in every box:

Corporate Express #1 Corrugated Paper Clips come in a handsome battleship grey, fire engine red, policeman blue, dinosaur green, and other enticing hues.

Corporate Express #1 Corrugated Paper Clips are machine-tooled in the United States of America, by proud members of the International Union of Office Supply Manufacturers Local #252.

Corporate Express #1 Corrugated Paper Clips are Opti-Coated™ for a smooth tactile experience – easy on overworked hands.

Corporate Express clips are fully compatible with household, business and industrial magnets.

Corporate Express #1 Corrugated Paper Clips employ a standardized design for use by men and women, and have recently been calibrated for use by left-handed persons.

Corporate Express #1 Corrugated Paper Clips are free from strong scent, making them ideal for persons with odor sensitivities.

Corporate Express clips can be used with any weight of paper, including 80lb cold press.

Corporate Express is a proud member of the Chlorine Free Products Association, and all of our clips are 100% chlorine free.

If dropped in a workplace mishap, Corporate Express clips are resonance-attuned to produce the perfect *ting* upon contact with a linoleum floor for no-hassle location. On carpet, the clip will produce a soothing *plip* sound.

Visit us online at corporateexpress.com to learn more about Corporate Express #1 Corrugated Paper Clips, and our soon-to-be-released #2 Clip.



-Jay

The Blog is Coming FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!

Good evening, and how do you do?

Rather than present the same old "100 Scariest Movies" list you've no doubt seen every Halloween since you were old enough to care about lists, I decided to post a few clips of lesser known films that I find particularly creepy. This is by no means an authoritative list, and it's not in any order.

It's just a bunch of weird, scary stuff. Enjoy.


Lynch

In most cases, short clips don’t do David Lynch's films justice. You need to watch the films in their entirety to build the suspense and really get your skin crawling. I sat through three hours of Inland Empire, and at points, was absolutely terrified. When I walked out of the theatre, I had to go get a beer after and think about what I'd just seen.

I remember watching Mulholland Drive one late summer evening. I didn't sleep that night.

No word of a lie, I got goosebumps just watching this clip, and I knew what was going to happen:

Another good Lynchian moment in Lost Highway:

I Wish I Were a Carpenter

John Carpenter's In the Mouth of Madness is one of the scariest movie I’ve ever seen, and not very well known except to a descriminating clique of film buffs.

The entire film is on You Tube. Stay up late and watch it alone.

Euro-Weird

I think most of the REALLY strange stuff is coming out of Europe and Asia.

First up, the always entertaining Jan Svankmajer presents his version of Faust.

The Brother's Quay make some of the eeriest short films you're ever going to see. They were heavily influenced by people like Svankmajer, and fellow Czech animator Jiri Barta.

Lastly, this isn't a film, but a music video for Einstürzende Neubauten.

I saw first saw this years ago, at 2 a.m. after a night of heavy drinking.

All pretty creepy clips, but...

You want to see something REALLY scary?

-Jay

Wednesday Morning Cavalcade of Anxiety

A quartet of topics to soothe/raise your stress levels.

1) A great article on Gawker/Defamer about viral marketing.

From the story:

The problem: these viral internet phenomenon have a habit of presaging exactly nothing. The ten year wait since Blair Witch for the next Blair Witch should be some indication of exactly what that kicked off. The thing about viral phenomenon is that they are dependent about the element of surprise, coming at you an unexpected way, from the corner of your senses that is undefended against PR flimflammery. And surprise is by definition, impossible to replicate.


2) Why I want to be a film blogger when I grow up.

3) Getting back to negative attention... watching a cute cartoon dog die in a flood as his kitty friend looks on in helpless terror, does not making me a more conscientious environmentalist.

From the Register:

It's not Halloween, but a new climate change TV advertising campaign that begins tonight, which features a young girl watching a dog drown.




Kind of reminds me of this:




















..but in a non-original, totally unfunny way.













Aw. <:(

I leave you with an anxiolytic for modern living:
Today's edition of the smartest web comic of our time.

It's 1 a.m., and I need a little PM to help me sleep...

-Jay

The Ones Who Walk Toward an Omelet

My friend Dan's restaurant and bar, J.Fox's, just received a nine out of ten star rating from the Breakfast Connoisseurs at Breakfastwinnipeg.com for an amazing Sunday brunch.

http://www.breakfastwinnipeg.com/JFoxs.html

Andrew McMonagle, breakfast gourmand and columnist for the Uniter, had this to say:

"Sunday brunch hasn’t looked this good in a long while. Nice, big cups of decent coffee, satisfying cutlery (had a nice weight to it, not flimsy and bite-ridden like we’ve had before) . My plate was overflowing with fruit, such that I had to ask Daniel if we were getting special treatment. He told me he knew we were coming, but that it wasn’t special treatment. Further visits by Leif confirmed this."

If you're looking for a little Thanksgiving pregame nosh, check it out!



For more breakfast suggestions, check out Breakfast Connoisseurs Facebook page.

I'm partial to Falafel Place and Stella's myself.

Nosdrovya!

-Jay, Eggs, Sausage & Spam

*Clever!

Stay Classy Jay

I remember Craig Ferguson's show a few years ago when he discussed his feelings on Britney Spears. When all the other comedians were having a field day as her life seemed to be on the Anna Nicole Smith Express Bus to Hades, Ferguson decided (and I believe quite genuinely) to take the high ground and give her a pass.




I would have thought that Leno might choose to do the same...





I'm not going to say shame on Jay, but really, I think he's doing himself a disservice by not taking the high ground on this.










Coincidence?

I'd love to hear what the average American thinks Schadenfreude is during a segment of Jaywalking.

I'm quietly hoping one of the Dancing Ito's goes public with a molestation charge.

-J

Advertising, Donuts, & Chuck Klosterman.

This past summer, I had the pleasure of working as a summer intern for Winnipeg marketing and communications agency McKim Cringan George.

My farewell email to my friends and coworkers was published today on the company's website. I feel fortunate in that they seemed to like my particular brand of humour, but more importantly I got the distinct sense they really appreciated the work I did.

McKim has a nice statement on their site which summarizes something I've been hearing a lot about lately:

There is no magic bullet — no repeatable, scalable process — for creating effective advertising and resonant brands. Only one thing is going to get the job done: great people.

On a recent visit to CHUM Radio's Pembina highway offices (home to 94.3 Curve FM and 99.9 BOB FM), sales director Bob Toogood talked about what they look for in their staff.
He said that, "People are hired on skill and fired on character." That it's far more important to be a team player than a technical whiz. I think that's very true.

I've come to see more and more how education and aptitude in the end will always take a back seat to just being a good egg.

I read an article not too long ago that said when you say something bad about a person, people partially equate the negative traits you've prescribed to that individual - with you. In other words, if you tell Susan that you think Jack is lazy, somewhere in the back of her mind Susan will think you're a bit lazy too.

The moral of the story; Accentuate the positive. Be funny. And bring donuts.

- Mr.Friday

"When I read criticism, I never learn anything about the record or the movie or the book. I mostly learn about the writer." - Chuck Klosterman

My Definition of a Bombastic Prose Style

Every once in a while, I am awed by the power of words, and this afternoon was one of those instances.

Poet and novelist George Elliot Clarke gave a reading of his verse novel I&I at Red River College today, as part of Thin Air Winnipeg International Writer’s Festival’s Campus Program.

I recently read Clarke’s novel, George & Rue for my Canadian Literature class, and had been looking forward to the reading all week. Many of my classmates who, forgivably enough, seemed a bit indifferent going in. Within minutes, the amiable and energetic Clarke had turned admirers into life-long fans, and ho-hum non-readers into converts.

Apologies for the poor audio.

An Alliterative Audience Assault

Clarke, winner of the Governor General’s Award for Poetry for Execution Poems, is the most engaging writer I’ve ever had the privilege of seeing. He greeted the audience at 11:05 a.m. with a broad smile, and by 11:10 he was thumping along at break-neck speed through line after glorious line of prose, like a trumpet player burning in musical ecstasy. He didn’t so much read to the audience, as testify like a revivalist preacher.

Clarke was equal parts funny and cerebral, raunchy and academic, subtle and gross. He danced effortlessly from topic to topic; from his love of Italian Giallo films,70s pop music and Quentin Tarantino, to the writing process, and the history of slavery in North America.

It was awesome, and inspiring in the truest sense of the word.

First-Year Creative Communications student Jeremy Williams was first out of the gate during the Q&A, saying to Clarke, “Damn you for making me interested in poetry.” Clarke and the rest of the room had a great laugh at this, but I think it summarized what a lot of people were thinking. Going in, they expected the stereotypical, bookish, introspective and dry navel-gazer poet, but what they got defied categorization. I spoke to dozens of students afterward who were absolutely blown away.

Not sure how to end this other than to say that as a student working on a first novel, this was the best kick-off to a weekend of writing I could possibly ask for.

‘Nuff Said.

-Jay

Thin Air presents After Words: George Elliott Clarke reading from his verse novel I&I, tonight at Aqua Books, 274 Garry St., at 10:30 p.m. Admission is free.

We're Movin' Across the Nation!

Things people are a little wary of lately:

1. Texans.

2. Old white men who tell you how to invest.

3. General Motors.

So why not emphasize all three in one spectacularly dumb ad?



"We're putting our money where our mouth is."

Right, wouldn't that be the bailout money?

This spot does almost the opposite of it's intended effect. If you want to restore consumer confidence, don't stick some wooden representation of all the old-money plutocrats who are making out just fine during the recession in front of the camera basically admitting that their cars were crap, but now talking about how he'll betcha that these are cars are suddenly great now.

I would not take that bet.

60 day money back? So what?

How about, "If you don't like the car. Bring it back. Period."

*That* would be a bold statement. That would make me sit up and go, "whoa, they must have really overhauled General Motors."

It'll be interesting to see how sales are in the next quarter.

In the meantime: Still the best car spot I've ever seen.

The second best.

-J

A Death in the Wardrobe

I was in the bedroom this afternoon when I heard the news.*

“What are you wearing tonight Babe?” said my fiancée.
“I dunno, I guess my light blue shirt.” I said, defaulting to what I felt was my most comfortable, timelessly fashionable, effortless and favourite shirt.
As the steam from the iron curled around her, a pained look crossed her face.“I was hoping we wouldn’t have to talk about that today.”
"Why?" I said innocently, like a child who has noticed of late that Rex has lost that spring in his step. That Mittens isn't eating her kibble anymore.
"Go look at the collar," she said gravely.

I fetched the shirt from the living room chair where I'd thrown it a few days earlier. Alas, it was true; my favourite shirt is worn well past its prime. The collar and left sleeve are starting to fray, and both elbows are thinned out to the point that they’ll soon cash it in. The end of an era.




A History of Losing My Shirt.

Everybody has that favourite article of clothing that they rely on for almost any occasion. The one that nets all the compliments. The one that makes them look good, feel casual and dressed up at the same time, and most importantly inspires confidence. I’ve felt a certain affinity for so many pairs of shoes, jackets and shirts over the years, and it never stops surprising me how pained I am when I have to admit that they are worn out. Among those that I miss dearly, and hope to be reunited with someday in Asgard: my Stone Temple Pilots t-shirt, my square-toed shoes from Brown's, that one black shirt, and the legendary Patch Brown shirt which I slept in on a train crossing Russia and accompanied me on many other adventures.

NYNE Lives

The light blue shirt which has passed into history was made by NYNE, an acronym for “New You, New Energy.” NYNE makes the best looking, best fitting shirts I’ve ever owned, hands down. I can’t tell you how many compliments I’ve received on these shirts - the light blue one especially. I have the same basic shirt in four colours, which I purchased about three years ago. For some reason, the Bay stopped carrying the brand, and NYNE is no longer available anywhere in Manitoba. To add to my frustration, they cannot be ordered online.
















The shirt and I in better times. Varadero, Cuba


Tonight, go to bed wearing the shirt you love the most. Wear it to work a little rumpled tomorrow. Your clothing's life-cycle is shorter than you think.

Light Blue is predeceased by STP, Alice, Charcoal, and Patch Brown; and survived by his brothers, Pinko, Chocolate, and Gunmetal.



In lieu of flowers, a donation can be made to the League of Canadian Tailors.

-J


*To be read in the voice of Daniel Stern from The Wonder Years.